It's honestly so paralyzing right now I feel I can't explain how hard it is to stay alive. For the past 3 days I've walked to the docks and sat on the edge thinking about jumping into the water and ending it all, or thinking about buying several boxes of paracetemol and taking them. I had a thought today of doing both - so buying and consumung several boxes of paracetemol and then jumping into the water to end it all. That does seem the best way in terms of potential success.
I tried to call Samaritans but it was calling for so long I gave up. I have a fear that I will be hospitalised but I have work on Monday so it's just not convienient at the moment.
My parents and grandparents want me to forgive and forget what happened but it's just not that fucking easy!!
Look, I just want to end this shit and get out of the way of everyone.
I know I am replacable, all I am told and made it feel is that what I have released into the wild is causing everyone so much pain. I know that, but it's not my fault!
I didn't ask for this to happen.
I'm just taking up resources.
I've hit a dark place, there's no light. It's like I'm in a corner and the room has gone dark and i'm weak, I have no energy.
EDIT:
I'm still here, this is a post I writ when I needed to talk about what I was going through.