Worry is a normal part of our lives, and we need it to survive. It’s the fight or flight response.
However, I’ve been finding since going to site visits (where I go to a company’s office to troubleshoot/resolve an IT issue) I’ve been getting more and more anxious, equally better over time. I can get to a site and be anxious, of course but I’ll do as much as I can, still feeling the initial anxiety.
I remember I used to feel anxious in my first IT Helpdesk role, and I worked hard to challenge myself, and develop the phone manner I have now.
Usually, when on a site-visit I hit a nail with the task and the anxiety will take over and I will panic out.
I had a panic attack twice; when working at Deichmann shoes in IT – I went out to fix an internal networking issue at a store in Bristol, and the second time about 3 months ago – I had to patch a cable in after installing a WiFi access point. The jobs were basic.
When I panic – I forget everything.
I told myself I wouldn’t worry, but unfortunately it wasn’t good enough.
I’ve mentioned in past posts about having anxiety and seeing counsellors, To be quite truthful, I found them incredibly patronising.
I saw one (male) who gave me a sheet and asked me to write down what I did in a week and kept messing around talking about things we would do but we never did, so I decided to call it a day and give up. He was just awful, and it was an awful decision.
I understand that therapists/counsellors work incredibly hard, however it didn’t work.
I went to a site about 2 weeks ago now. I was told details about the job the day before at 15:15 45 mins before my shift ended, this immediately raised my anxiety levels massively.
Yes, I could have prepared more and researched more but I just finished a days work and really wanted to relax.
Came the day, Anxious as anything. I think it’s so easy to think of these moments as the worst moments possible but I can see a few positives. Despite panicking, I completed the job to the best of my ability given the circumstances of not having the correct parts etc and I also resolved another issue.
Since then, I have been experiencing severe anxiety; feeling incredibly anxious, nervous, on edge let alone the physical symptoms….severe chest pain, tight chest, tight in general and sweaty palms.
The chest pain is the worst; I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack and die.
I have been proactive and have managed to find a good therapist who is known by a close friend of mine.
I had my first session last week and it was very insightful. I bonded with her and I feel safe, she’s nice – she’s a good listener and challenges me when I need it, namely when I say the term “normal” when I wish to be so.
A question she asked me to think about over the week is what I want to get out of this and where I want to be at the end.
Being anxiety free is sadly impossible, but getting to the stage where I can cope with stress/anxiety and detecting when I may panic is where I want to be.
I don’t know how possible it is to prevent a panic attack, so if you have any info/advice – please leave a comment 🙂