I’ve never properly wrote about Summer 2016. I need to do this slowly, in my time.
So many memories, words, all that I cannot get out quick enough…
I find that specific memories flood in and I can focus on them.
One of them being on the beach at the campsite reading a book, I then went into the lake, and then went for a walk through some trees to another camp site. I thought this as a mini adventure, as weird as it sounds. But I needed that.
We were camping at a really really nice campsite my mum stayed at when she was a kid. I loved the campsite so so much. The trees were just awesome, and they brought an incredibly quiet atmosphere.
But I was in pain from my past trauma. This holiday was ground breaking as hard as the events that occurred were to go through. Nothing bad really happened but again – they changed my life.
I was upset, I was alone, I was in a dark place. All these things. I just couldn’t see a way out. I felt no one needed me, I felt I didn’t deserve a chance at life and I couldn’t fight these feelings.
I did however, fight them. I got through one of the hardest 14 consequent days of my life whilst making so many memories. The places we went, the weather. I can’t remember too many happy memories (more negative) but I will see the positive, I know I will.
This pain did teach me to go on when you are in pain and you feel you can’t go on, to never give up.
But I feel the main lesson that I learned from this holiday was to ask for help when I need it, not being afraid of judgement.