I've been lucky in my life in terms to losing people; I've not actually lost someone that I have been close to. I know as a family we lost Aunty Daphnie back in like 2008, and we've lost dogs. Losing Nelly was the hardest.
And that's because I wasn't mature enough to understand what it would be to lose someone because of my age.
I live in a shared house with 7 people, and it's not as bad as it seems. Yes there are some horrible moments and people can be very shitty but it is what it is!
James was a lorry driver, he was alwys so nice, so down to earth and you could genuinely have a good chat with him and feel better because of it. He always made me feel better when I was going through a bad time, or had a bad day. I hope I was there for him when he had similar moments, and made him feel better when we did have a chat.
The moment I found out of his death, i can only describe the feeling as being in shock but also being numb. What I mean by that is I was shocked at what happened but I couldn't feel anything, I knew I was shocked but I felt frozen (and frozen in the moment too).
This happened last weekend, and it was a shite weekend at that let me tell you!!
Having counselling and seeing so many positive, helpful posts on Social Media about grieving I'm proud that I have read, understood and took them into effect.
A few things that have helped me is a.) talking about it and b.) letting myself know that what i feel is OK, and to allow myself to feel the flowing emotions.
It goes without saying I miss James, he inspired me to be like him, to try things, to make mistakes but not allow them to take over my life, to accept them and literally move on.
Life isn't short, it is very long but can go quickly if you just let it go by without notice.
James had a simple life but experienced difficulties. People often say "Don't we all" Yes we do, but that doesn't discount how said difficulties feel and how they impact someone.
I want to say I'll always be in the moment but that isn't always possible. I think now, I am better at being in the moment and I am in the moment more often than not.
I won't forget James, he's inspired me to be a better person and I wish to take parts of him on board.