I’m not an angry person, a lot of people who know me, know that. Yet, I do get irritated sometimes. My workmates know that ( and they are amazing people I must add)
I feel I don’t know the signs of me starting to feel angry/irritated, I just feel them and I have to deal with them there and then!
I must stress I don’t like it when I am feeling either of those emotions. But, I’m going to explain the emotion of being irritated which I feel the most in the present moment.
I have all this energy in me that has been produced by a situation that I am not able to control. I feel annoyed that nothing is happening, something isn’t working as it should and I want it to work/be better right now.
Writing this post I was trying to get my bluetooth earphones to play but they kept darn disconnecting. Did I know why? No! Was I annoyed? YES! What did I do to get around that? I used different headphones. Did I feel irritated afterwards? Yes, but not so much. I walked away from it.
I have seen people be angry in my past and I don’t like it. I feel scared, like they are going to hurt me. I don’t want to turn into an angry person so I try and do my best to control these emotions. I usually stay quiet and let the anger keep boiling inside me, it eventually passes but I have a feeling this won’t last forever.
I recently went to a group session of boxing as I have seen and heard the positive affects with people’s mental health.
Let’s talk about the coach, he was the most cocky, arrogant and narcissistic dick there was.
I was on the ring, and he said to throw some punches. I was trying to mimic everyone else and I was doing it wrong. Dude, this was my first session, what do you expect, me to throw the best punches ever??
Anyways he started to get a bit shitty and said for me to copy everyone else whilst highlighting that I was doing things wrong. Well yeah that’s what you fucking get if you copy people. You will look at how they do things observing certain motions. You will look out for what you want, usually the end result.
Another fella approached me and backed me up mentioning that I need to learn, yet the main trainer defended himself. Mate fuck off, I know that you need to train your pro’s but some people need to start, you have no right to talk to me like that, yeah you have a hierarchy but I’m not 12. I’m an adult and I know what I deserve.
This other fella came on the ring and really showed me what you do, the technique, and had me try, try, try and keep trying. He made me want to carry on.
Going back to the major dick of all time, he did his “mentoring”thing; showing everyone how much of a big arrogant person that he is with his fellow students who would think it’s okay to fight anyone they see. He stood in front of his students with his top off and beat the lights out of the punchbag. The way he was, his personality made me angry as to how he made me feel, and how I didn’t stand up for myself.
Yeah, I know this is a competitive sport but why do you feel the need to expose yourself? OK, I know you want to show off your muscles, but maybe some of us don’t want to see that much skin??
The aggression that he used, that is why I am afraid of anger. It’s fucking horrible. And I’m scared one day that will be me.