My god there is so much I would love to tell you Lewis. I've been dreading this letter for so long for a few reasons; I didn't know really what to say, I didn't know what I felt, I was scared and I guess a tad bit embarrassed. But I now know It's okay to feel any emotion. And I really wish you knew that. We can't stop our emotions, they are there to stay with us. Despite how unpleasant they are, they are what make us human. And that makes you, you. Because there isn't anything wrong with having feelings.
There was nothing wrong with you, or the way you looked, the way you acted or anything like that. And it was wrong for others around you to make you feel that way.
So much has happened to you Lewis, and no wonder you've resorted to anything and everything to take the pain away/direct it elsewhere.
Don't feel shame for that Lewis.
SO much shit happened to you at such a young age. You lost your innocence, you lost such a core part of you, you had to grow up too quick and you missed out on so much.
But none of what happened was any of your fault, it was all out of your control.
You can't stop being raped, at any age.
Being 10 you didn't understand what was happening, you didn't know anything about it, you didn't know about consent.
The pain does get easier to bare Lewis, and the more you talk about it the better.
I'm proud of you Lewis.
For so much of your childhood you felt you were weak, that you were too emotional/sensitive, or you were a cry baby (because other people said that I was).
But the reality was that you were the opposite; you were so so strong. You had so many bad things happen to you, you were hurting.
Not being able to cry was evil, we all need to cry. It's a healthy mechanism to release challenging emotions.
You are strong Lewis, no matter what you have went through, you've fought your way through. It's been hard, so so hard but you did it.
You may have cried, you may have gotten frustrated, you may have gotten angry but that's OK! You are allowed to struggle.
It's OK to not be OK, and it's OK to struggle.
1 year ago today, you were going through THE WORST time of your life with realising what Emma did, but I'm so proud of you. You told your truth and you started your journey to heal.